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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554611">cicatrice.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylesowahudson/pseuds/mylesowahudson'>mylesowahudson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dictionary of feelings [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Caring, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, past self-harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:54:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylesowahudson/pseuds/mylesowahudson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>cicatrice (v.) to find healing by the process of forming scars  </p><p>or: Martín is healing with Andrés never leaving his side</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dictionary of feelings [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774684</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cicatrice.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The canvas slowly gets covered in deep, rich purple as Martín moves the brush along the surface. It calms him down, the simple moves that carry such big meaning sometimes. The house is quiet and Andrés, his lovely, sweet Andrés is asleep in their comfortable bed. Martín likes the covers they have now, the sunflowers actually make him smile from time to time just as Andrés said. Andrés is right quite often to be honest, he knows what Martín needs and wants, he is like a magician. Martín feels safe around him, that’s why he has Sergio to do their shopping. He can’t let Andrés leave.</p><p>The canvas is drying as Martín stretches and looks through the window, spotting couple of stars and pretty much nothing else. It must be around three in the morning and he is tired. He is tired most of the time these days so it doesn’t bother him much. He lets Andrés sleep though, he found out that Andrés doesn’t function well when he stays awake with Martín all the time, and he doesn’t want him to cry from exhaustion. Andrés crying is a bizarre thing but also unpleasant, so Martín pushes it away. </p><p>He thinks of Andrés in colors sometimes. Andrés is gold, like the one he wants to steal from de Bank of Spain one day. He shines and shifts but is also incredibly heavy sometimes. Andrés is also red, like his lips when they kiss or his hands after he found Martín in the bathroom one day. It seems so long ago and it’s barely been two weeks, time is a truly interesting concept.</p><p>Martín doesn’t want to paint anymore. He misses his lover so he stumbles to the bedroom, quietly pushing the door open. He crawls on the bed and before he can even place the first kiss on Andrés’ face, his lover is already awake “You’re not sleeping” he murmurs sleepily and Martín smiles softly, nuzzling his cheek </p><p>“No” his lips find Andrés’ and they share a chaste, sweet kiss that fulfills Martín’s longing more than enough </p><p>“Something bothering you?” Andrés starts caressing his hair with a worried expression. This man, Martín swears, is like an angel sometimes. Or always even?</p><p>“I haven’t seen you for too long”</p><p>This has been a thing since his unfortunate experience in the bathroom. There seems to be a specific amount of time he can spend knowing that Andrés is near but not seeing him, after that he has to look for him, see his face and ideally kiss him too so his heart calms down</p><p>“I’m here” Andrés is so sleepy. Poor thing, he never leaves Martín’s side and he gets woken up a lot but Martín knows it’s alright, he told him before “Get in here and we can sleep together”</p><p>“I started a new painting. Do you want to see?”</p><p>“Show me when you finish? Or in the morning?”</p><p>“I feel like showing you now” Martín pouts, holding Andrés’ face “Please?”</p><p>“Okay” Andrés gives in and follows him to the living room, his body slow as he moves. Martín feels bad for waking him up the second time during the night but he just has to do this</p><p>“Look” he points at the canvas painted purple “I want to paint clouds over it”</p><p>“Do” Andrés simply answers sending him an exhausted smile and yawns, not able to stop himself “I’m sorry”</p><p>“It’s okay” Martín touches the still wet paint and rolls his eyes, irritated at the inability to continue his work of art</p><p>“Come to bed?” the question is full of hope but Martín doesn’t want to, so he shakes his head “Please? I miss you there”</p><p>“You will make me sleep”</p><p>“You can watch me sleep and make sure nothing bad gets me” Andrés proposes and that? That sounds way better so Martín follows him back to the bedroom. They both lay down and he watches Andrés settle under the covers </p><p>“Am I a burden?” he asks, suddenly sad</p><p>“You? Of course not”</p><p>“I don’t let you sleep”</p><p>“I love you” Andrés smiles at him but Martín cannot find his own smile to reciprocate, neither the words to answer</p><p>“You would be better without me waking you up and keeping you in the house”</p><p>“I love you, my <em>ingeniero</em>, and I want you here with me” he sits up, looking at Martín with affection and love that Martín just can’t comprehend “I want you to heal properly”</p><p>“What if I am not getting better?”</p><p>“You are. You made progress…”</p><p>“You sound worried”</p><p>“Because you still don’t sleep, Martín” Andrés reaches for his hand “You’re so tired but you refuse to sleep till you pass out for couple of hours… I don’t know why” he pulls Martín close until his back hits Andrés’ chest and he’s being closed in a warm, safe embrace “You wake me up at three while you paint… We read the same book over and over again…”</p><p>“So I am a burden” he tries to wiggle out of the embrace but Andrés soothes him with sweet kisses being pressed to his head</p><p>“No. I am just worried about you and I want you to get some sleep”</p><p>“You promised you won’t force me to sleep”</p><p>“I won’t” Andrés’ fingers turn his head and they’re kissing slowly, lovingly “It’s just a proposition. Close your eyes and rest, just like that. You don’t have to sleep”</p><p>Martín nests in Andrés’ arms as they lay down properly and soon he watches his lover breathe calmly when he sleeps, undisturbed. His eyelids are heavy but he still doesn’t like the idea of sleeping. Instead, he touches Andrés’ face and smiles. His lover is so stunning, ravishing, <em>lovesome</em>. His features are sharp and defined as Martín slowly traces them with his fingers stained with paint, his hair soft when he dips his fingertips in them. He is beautiful in every way and Martín loves him with all his heart. He wants to tell him like he used to but the words never leave his throat. Andrés doesn’t seem to be sad about it, his eyes are full of affection every time he looks at Martín. They were different before all of this, especially Andrés who turned the gun for a brush and commands for soothing words. Martín likes this soft version of Andrés with the edges blurred, their weird apartment in the middle of nowhere with the sunflowers covers and the huge clock on the wall. </p><p>He falls asleep lulled by Andrés’ warm breath on his neck.</p><p>When he wakes, it’s already afternoon and the bed in empty, the sign of it immediately making Martín’s heart beat faster and faster. It’s like a bird trying to flutter its wings in a cage that’s too small for it “Andrés?” he asks loudly, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He feels rested and aware of his surroundings, for example, the way his forearm stings when he moves it “Andrés?” he repeats the question, already on the edge of tears</p><p>The bedroom door opens and Andrés walks in, wearing sweat pants and a loose shirt, his look bizarre and weird in comparison to his usual elegance and the sophisticated way he carries himself “You’re awake” he smiles softly and he looks like a sun when he leans and kisses the corner of Martín’s lips. Martín turns his head and deepens the kiss, slipping his fingers into Andrés’ hair. He is here. He didn’t leave</p><p>“Where were you?”</p><p>“Cooking” Andrés takes him out of bed and puts the covers back on it, flat and without even one wrinkle. The sunflowers smile at Martín and he smiles back, watching his lover “How is your arm?”</p><p>“It hurts a little” Martín obediently gives Andrés his hand and sits patiently as he changes the bandages and cleans the wound. It looks much better now and they both seem to be happy about that</p><p>“I made you your favourite dish, are you hungry?”</p><p>Martín nods, wrapping his arms around Andrés neck. He observes as he shifts on his knees and smiles in this warm way of his, reserved only for Martín and nobody else. He knows what words he is going to hear now</p><p>“I love you” Andrés caresses his back and Martín almost melts. He pushes his lips against Andrés’ and desperately tries to show him his love, his devotion. Andrés seems to understand because his hands wrap tighter around Martín’s waist and pull him closer and closer until there’s not a single inch between them, and the kisses grow deeper and slower “I know, Martín, I know” Andrés whispers but Martín doesn’t want him to talk now, not when he slowly lays down on his back and reaches his hands towards his lover, his anchor, his safe place until he feels the weight of his body on his chest. It feels like being in a cocoon and Martín needs some skin to skin contact, like a baby that’s just been born. When he tugs at Andrés’ shirt, he suddenly has his wrists held gently </p><p>“What?” he frowns at the interruption</p><p>“We shouldn’t” Andrés kisses him so sweetly that Martín feels like crying </p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I don’t need that to know that you love me back” he coos and Martín calms down immediately. He can be so silly sometimes, his love</p><p>“<em>Andrés</em>” he breathes and tilts his head back when warm lips start kissing his neck, turning his thoughts into butterflies that flutter and disappear quickly, without any possibility to grasp them. Martín and Andrés understand each other without many words, sometimes only a look is enough, sometimes Martín needs to breathe out his lover’s name to get what he wants but he eventually always ends up content. </p><p>His eyes slip shut when Andrés takes off his shirt and then Martín’s. Their skin is warm and Martín gasps softly, reaching for more kisses to keep his lips busy. Andrés never crosses the line, he doesn’t reach for his bottoms, he doesn’t push, he doesn’t try to make Martín do anything. He just is, exists in Martín’s orbit and never leaves. That is more than enough</p><p>“I love you” the whisper tickles his stomach where Andrés’ kisses wandered and Martín grins. He opens his eyes and looks at Andrés’ face as he leaves warm spots everywhere his mouth goes. He can't possibly love him more in this moment </p><p>“Come here” he gestures and when their lips link, he hugs his lover as tight as he can. The kiss is slow and innocent and when they both part to take a breath, he presses his lips to Andrés’ ear and whispers “I love you”</p><p>They lay in bed together for long minutes, wrapped in each other's love and devotion, breathing in unison. Martín's whole existence smiles, beams with joy and hope. He finally matches the sunflowers on the bedding</p>
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